The Worst Interview

Marie Mayer
3 min readMar 1, 2022

First impressions can be a bitch

Marten Bjork on Unsplash

Connections are everything in a prestigious career. In corporate, without the right referrals, your degree in communications might as well be a paper leaf. And yet, by some magic, my mom got the interview. Not the job mind you, an interview. Thanks to the connections her well-traveled aunt graciously offered her, she had the chance to make a million dollars a year.

While this did not happen to me, I was surprised to hear someone else was capable of having what I thought strictly as a “me” experience. Are you one of those people always making a great first impression? If so, what is your superpower? While I can’t save you from every little mishap, I can highlight several moments in which to avoid eye contact.

These moments may include but are not limited to: Waving back at someone who was waving to someone behind you, a mighty sneeze spewing a mountain of snot into your hand that you must now transport to a napkin, when you notice the cashier ringing you up was that kid that used to tattle on you in school, etc.

Like it or not, the awkwardness is everywhere. Or I don’t know, maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe you’re a person that can gaze with confidence into the eyes of a stranger as you munch a ripe banana. The point is some things just happen. It may not seem like it in the moment, but they may just be a blessing in disguise.

Now back to the story. . .

Her dream of being corporate Barbie, running an establishment in six-inch stilettos was coming to fruition. Post interview, they would probably give her an intern to boss around. She would taggle along behind her carrying her favorite flavored mocha, listening to her complain about chipped nails (or some other hoity toity crap).

The boss had big dreams as well. Dreams of an employee who is punctual, dresses well, has a handle on their belongings (stay with me).

From what I’ve been told, my mom wasn’t in the building ten seconds before the front-desk secretary called her name. She was so close to having and nailing that interview. She entered the room, flustered, sweating through her matching tailored suit, nervous as hell.

She entered the office to find the suited figure of authority seated behind a desk…

Marie Mayer

Writer of short stories both real and imagined.